Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Found your dick twin last night
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize
