Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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