He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
