What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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