I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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