I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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