Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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