You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
