she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Well I just put wine in my tea
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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