why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
