Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
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