Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize