I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
