Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
