HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I feel great
I just peed on a car
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
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