Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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