I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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