I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize