she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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