i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
