To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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