we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Best friends brother. Beat that.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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