im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
