This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Randomize
