Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
