I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
