Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Randomize
