Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
