:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize