I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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