Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
