yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
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