I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize