Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
