I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
