Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
