Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Panties = found
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize