When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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