Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
