turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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