kristin has been a bad kristin
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Someone shattered a urinal.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
