New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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