I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
