when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I'm too high and old for this...
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize