Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
We smell like vodka and hangover
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
