Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I think your dad took our porno
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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