It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
