Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Randomize
