don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Randomize
