this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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