You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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