I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
