I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
