Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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