Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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