A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I skipped work to stalk him.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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