loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
