ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
