I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
