Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize