i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
My ass is underappreciated
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
