those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
