now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
