I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
He felt like a one man threesome
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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