God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
