what if every blade of grass was a penis?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
